Dear Legacy…The Conversations That Shape Us | Ep. 9

In this episode of Dear Legacy… Kevin B. the Brand dives into a truth we often overlook our lives aren’t just shaped by moments… they’re shaped by conversations.

From the words that redirected us, to the ones we avoided, to the ones we’re still replaying in our heads this episode explores how communication plays a powerful role in who we become and the legacy we leave behind.

Kevin breaks down how timing, delivery, and intention can completely change the impact of what’s said. He speaks on the weight of conversations with mentors, the importance of how we speak to our children, and the often overlooked conversation we have with ourselves every single day.

Because legacy isn’t just built through actions it moves through words, through presence, and through what we leave behind in people after every interaction.

If you’ve ever experienced a moment where something someone said stayed with you… this one will hit home.

Chapters & Timestamps:

00:00 – Opening: What Legacy Really Is
09:38 – The Conversation That Changes Direction
18:23 – Timing Matters More Than Words
27:19 – The Conversations We Avoid
34:06 – The Power of Listening
43:05 – When Conversations Go Wrong
50:56 – Mentorship & Guidance
01:00:09 – Conversations With Yourself
01:04:56 – Leaving a Lasting Impact

Why You Should Watch / Listen:

If you’re serious about growth, leadership, and building a meaningful legacy—this episode will shift how you think about communication.

This isn’t just about talking…
It’s about how your words shape people, relationships, and outcomes.

You’ll walk away thinking about:

• The power of timing and delivery
• The importance of truly listening not just responding
• How your environment and conversations influence your direction
• And the reality that the most important conversation you’ll ever have… is the one with yourself

This episode isn’t loud but it’s powerful.
And it might just make you rethink every conversation you’ve been having lately.

If this episode gave you something to think about, subscribe to Dear Legacy, drop a comment, follow us on social media, and share it with someone building their legacy in real time.

Till then Go Define it, Go Build it, Live it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Everybody got a story, right? What's making my soul special? Am I gonna hunker down? Am I gonna complain? Am I gonna cry about it? No, the the timing that those things hit me, it was the perfect time. Because one, I was in the military, there was nowhere I could fucking go. And then two, these are my leaders. Both of them took hold of me at different points in my career and guided me and molded me and mentored me. Made sure I stayed on the straight and narrow, and I thank them till this day. First Sarn Lee and Sarn Balcom, I thank you till this day. Y'all changed my life without even realizing. An inner city kid, single-parent household, and now I'm living in the burbs. My kid don't know no different. Take this journey with me. Let's define it, let's build it, let's live it together. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, y'all. It's your boy Kevin B. The brand, and this is another week of Dear Legacy. This is episode number nine, y'all. We almost on double digits. Shout out to that. Almost on number nine. Cheers to us for tuning in each and every week. For those of you guys that's been rocking with me since the trailer, shout out to you guys. I know just sitting there listening to one person go on or with his thoughts and ideas, it could be a little bit cumbersome sometimes, but I hope I leave you with something where you could actually think on, develop, and actually living what we're saying that we're doing, right? Defining our legacy, building it, and living it in real time, not just thinking about what we're leaving behind, but actually living it. So here's set number nine. We're almost at double digits. And for those that are new, over the past few episodes, we've really been building something here. We started by defining what legacy actually means to us. Um, what it could mean something totally different to me than what it means to you, right? Through the growth, fatherhood, relationships, and being intentional about the life that we're creating for ourselves. Um then we got into the into the real work of things, learning how to adjust when life interrupts the plan, not burning ourselves out and chasing after the grind, and understanding that the vision gets bigger, but often that's when the the noise got to get quieter, right? So this journey we've been on together, because we're doing this together in real time, it's not just about talking about legacy, it's about learning how to actually live it. And in this open scribe letter to Dear Legacy, I want to talk about something that doesn't always get celebrated the way it should, right? It's in the conversations that actually shape us. Because when people think about it, the moments that change our lives, they usually think about the big things, milestone moments, the wins, even the losses where we actually um take those into account as well. It's it's the visible moments that people can actually point to and say, you know, that's where it changed my life. But when you really slow down and think about it, a lot of the moments that changed us didn't even start with an event. It actually started with a conversation. Something somebody said to you at the time, something that challenged you, something that encouraged you, something that corrected you in some shape, way, or form, something that made you stop in the moment and actually really think, right? And sometimes it wasn't even a long conversation. Sometimes it's a one sentence, one ladder, one question, one honest moment with somebody else that just stayed with you longer than it probably would have. Even longer than the person intended it to be, longer than the person who said it probably even realized that they were doing at that time. That's how impactful words can be. There's words that shape people's minds and the grind changes, the the development changes, the way we view things and people and items. You know, we talk about uh on my other show, Please Excuse My Balls, and on Roots to Reality. Sometimes how people react with you and the conversations that they leave behind are way more impactful than a lot of this other stuff that we've gone through in life. I think most of us are honest. If we're being honest, right? We can actually point back to a certain conversation in our lives that didn't more than just fill time. It shifted something in us, right? You hear of these athletes that were told, oh, you'll never make it to the NBA, you'll never make it to the NFL. Or you're thinking too big on this one. You you can't start this company, you can't get that promotion. That changed you. Sometimes it's by somebody telling you no, it makes it it changes something in you, and the fire burns even deeper sometimes. That's the shift that I'm talking about. The way we, the way we thought, the way we moved, the way we love, the way that we lead, the way that we even see ourselves, because conversations carry weight, they can truly build confidence or break it all at the same time with this with a matter of words. Like, think about that. Let's really think about it. Like, when there's there's moments and events that we could point to and be like, that's when my life changed. But then we can also think about that conversation, that one line that has way bigger of an impact than that actual event did, right? They can create a connection that we didn't even know was there, or it could create a divide and a distance that we actually need. These conversations could open doors for us. Sometimes they close doors as well, right? Some conversations they're gonna give us clarity. That's what it's there for. Right? We have conversations and we talk about it how therapy is big. Those conversations create healing for us. Some conversations we're gonna have is just simply to expose the truth, the truth that we do not want to see, the truth that we do not want to hear, or the truth that somebody else needs to hear, and it has to come from you. Only you could deliver that message at that time. Some conversations stay with you for years before you actually really dive into it because they met you in the moment. That conversation was supposed to happen right then and there in order to shift, change, or develop you. When we need things the most, that's when it shows up. And these conversations are in the same vein and breath. And the older I get, the more I'm gonna realize this, right? Legacy doesn't only move through what we build with our hands and we can physically touch. It's also it also moves through the through the way that we we say things, the way we feel things, the how we say it, how how somebody says it to us, how we're passing it on. That's what we talk about in rules to reality, the things that were pat that were passed on to us and how we're passing it on. And what we leave sitting, we leave somebody sitting in when our conversations are over, right, wrong, or indifferent. Think of the conversations that we had just today alone. Did it change somebody's life, somebody's way of thinking, somebody's perspective on something? By changing somebody's perspective sometimes, that changes their life. It changes your life, it changes somebody else's life. That conversation that you had today in the office or at the job site or in the meeting or in that pitch, not only did it change for you for whatever reason, but it changed somebody you didn't even know was in that room. They probably not even in that room, but it changed their life. Because words don't have direction in them. They can move somebody forward, they can help somebody heal, they can help make somebody think even deeper on certain situations. They can even make somebody change their life with one line. But on the flip side, the conversations that we actually avoiding, the things that we don't say, the truths that we hold back for whatever reason, those shape our lives too. Like we're we're changing our lives and somebody else's life by holding back, by not sharing. The ones that redirect us, the ones that challenge us, the ones that stay with us, and the ones we might still need to have. Because sometimes the conversations that change our lives don't look big in the moment, but years later you're gonna realize, like, oh damn. I remember when this person was talking to me about this. Now it makes sense, and it changed everything. It changed it when you were in that conversation, you just didn't realize it because it wasn't time for you to realize it at that moment, and that's where I want to start with the kind of conversations that can quietly shift our entire direction, because sometimes it only takes one one conversation with the right person at the right time to change the direction of your life. Segment one, the conversations that change directions. Let's start here with the kind of conversations that quietly shift our entire direction, right, wrong, or indifferent, it's going to change it. Because sometimes it only takes that one conversation to change the directions in our lives. Timing matters. Where are we in life? Are we ready to receive whatever it is that's coming to us? Are we ready to pass on the knowledge that we have, or are we just gonna hold it and gatekeep? One sentence, one passing can change and can can change somebody's life in that moment, or it could stick with them forever. Forever. Going back to Please Excuse My Balls, these athletes, they hold that chip on their shoulder for the longest of time. And it could have been a second grade teacher that told them on that book report that maybe you should not dream as big. Because their mind told them a long time ago that they can't, they can't dream that big. And now they're passing in those same words that was passed on to them that made them stay in that box. But there's certain people, instead of allowing it to defeat them, it's gonna stick with them forever. I have to, and this is the good part of I have to show them that they're wrong. And even if you don't make it, it doesn't mean that person was right. It's just that wasn't your path. Clarity could come in any moment. It could be while you're on the journey, while you're building it, while you're living it, even while you're defining it. While you're defining it, you're writing down in your journal or in your notebook, defining this is what legacy means to me. In that moment, it just became so clear for you. Someone else could be seeing something in you that you can't see in yourself sometimes. And that conversation that y'all just having just unlocked something that's going to change your life forever. And if it doesn't change your life, it's changing the legacy that you're leaving behind. Because the conversation that you're having right now, it might not be for you. You might not benefit from that conversation. But because you hold it in, because you you internalize it, because it changed your life, it changed your trajectory trajectory of set life, the path that you were going. And now you done changed the course of the future. If I really think about it, what's a conversation I had that changed the direction of my life? I could honestly sit here and tell you it was when I was in the military. Very, very, there's this about two key instances. It was one was a conversation with my first serent when we was in Afghanistan, and he was talking to me about credit. We know what credit is, but the way he broke it down to me and and made that simple conversation in that one line, it didn't stop there. It was a longer conversation, and it became an assignment. It became the way to do certain things, right? And he wanted to make sure that I was on the pathway to success. Because I'm I'm I have all this money that I'm making while I'm over here and all that other stuff, but I didn't have true guidance. I didn't have that true discipline. I didn't understand. He had to break it down to me to make me understand. And then I and then it it literally changed my life by understanding that conversation. Then another conversation, uh, two more conversations that I could tell you. Well, I'm gonna save that one. That one I'm not gonna share. The next one is when it was time for me to go for promotion board, and I remember vividly the first sergeant was telling me, the same first sergeant, that man was, he saw something in me, like most of my leadership, my my platoon sergeants, my platoon leaders, my team leaders, and all that stuff. For some reason, they all saw something that I was not seeing at the time, but they poured into me and made sure that I understood it. But this man told me straight up one time, I worked my ass off to get to the promotion board. I studied, I made sure I knew all my regs and all that stuff. I got in there, I killed it. I came out, I was like, first on I got it. I'm I'm E4 promotable, I'm gonna be an NCO. That man cool turned around and looked at me and said, So what? What's next? And in the moment I I looked at it, I was like, damn, that's kind of harsh. Like, we we worked at this, we we did, but then it took me, it wasn't in that moment that I realized it, but it was later on. I don't know how far later on than I realized it, and I started making that my model. So what? What's next is okay, you achieved this. That's great, but we're not gonna stay in that achievement. We're celebrated, but what's next? He didn't mean it to put me down, he just wanted to make sure that I didn't set my sights at just that. You made E5. You made technically your E4 promotable. You didn't even make E5 yet. So what what's next? For me, that's my mantra, and for and some might say it's wrong, right? I can get promoted, I could get a successful business started up, I'm already thinking about the next. Because that's what that's what stuck with me. So what what's next? We've made the achievement. Congratulations. But what's next? What are you striving for next? Because some people we we we wrote it down like this is the goal that we want to achieve. And now we check the box, we achieved a we achieved it. But what's next? And that's what sits with me. That's still with me till this day. I've been out of the military now. This is 2026. I've been out for 11 years. I served for 10. This was early on in my army career, so probably around year six, seven. You're four, five. You're four, five. I did six in the army. It's like till this day that that defines how I move, how I operate. It's that's the goal, but what's next after that goal? Another thing that stuck with me came from my platoon sergeant. He literally told me one time something happened. I don't I don't even know what happened, but it was a line that he said. He's uh and it was everybody got a story. What makes yours so special? And in the moment, again, it's one of those things that it hits you in the moment, you're like, man, what the fuck? What do you mean? What makes this is my situation, this is this is what I'm going through. But he wanted me to realize like everybody goes through growing pains. Everybody has problems. It ain't sunshine and rainboys every day, it's gray clouds, it's rainstorms, it's it's snowstorms that even feel the northeast. You're buried in, you're cold, you're hungry, you're wet. Everybody got a story. What makes yours so special? In that moment, I realized like, and and you have to know the fine line that you're walking in in those things, also, right? Because in the moment I'm seeing it, uh, it made me realize like maybe I'm complaining a little bit too much. Maybe I need to uh count my blessings as they come. Because I've said this before, I'm in a situation in life, thank God, that I'm in a position where people are dying to be at. People will take my complaints, people will take in a heartbeat. Everybody got a story. What makes your soul special? Just think about those, right? And those those conversations changed my life. One conversation, technically two, changed everything. But here's the thing: it's not just what's said in those conversations. Timing, this is this is what segment two is about. Timing matters more than words. Let's talk about that for a second, right? Sometimes it's not what's said, it's when it's said. You could have told me those same lines, probably five years prior to that, when it had meant shit to me. I wouldn't even had hold hold on to it. I'm like, ah, they're just talking shit. But in reality, they're not talking shit. They're in, they're they're putting some wisdom into somebody that they see something in that they don't that I did not see in myself. But you gotta think about when you're younger and you're you think that you're invincible and you have all the time in the world and you're gonna figure it out, you're not gonna hear those gems. You're not gonna hear those nuggets. We'd like to believe that we did. And there's few, there's some that are out there that can. Y'all hear it early on in life. I was I was too busy trying to be cool. I was I wasn't hearing none of that stuff. I wanted to party, I want to have fun. I'm not listening about all that stuff. I'll I have time to fix my credit. I I'm I'm I I wanna I wanna use my money for other stuff. I'm I'm not gonna deal with that stuff right now. Tell them to come catch me. But not realizing that they're gonna catch you eventually. They catch you in high APRs. They catch you in and not being approved for certain things. They catch you when you when you sign or put in a digital application and you're praying and you're hoping. It's like, oh my God, I hope I'm gonna get it. I hope I'm gonna get it. Now that man's changed my life to where I'm not hoping if I could get certain things. I'm gonna get it. Is it perfect? Nah, I ride this roller coaster ride. I'm an entrepreneur. You take you take L's, and along those L's, you ride that wave also when it comes to credit, when it comes to your finances, but that's that's the life I chose. I'm not done with it, also. I back it up with a with a with a nine to five until I get to the position that I said and I wrote down what my what's next. Everybody got a story, right? What's making my soul special? Am I gonna hunker down? Am I gonna complain? I'm gonna cry about it. No, the the timing that those things hit me, it was the perfect time. Because one, I was in the military, there was nowhere I could fucking go. And then two, these are my leaders. Both of them took hold of me at different points in my career and guided me and molded me and mentored me. Made sure I stayed on the straight and narrow, and I thank them till this day. First star and lee and star in Balcom, I thank you till this day. Y'all changed my life without even realizing. An inner city kid, single-parent household, and now I'm living in the burbs. My kid don't know no different. That's different. The timing was perfect, and along the way, since then, my ears are perked up now. I want to hear what others have to say. I'm ready to receive it. Because some things that one might look at as criticism, I'm not looking at it as criticism. I'm looking at it as like, okay, they're saying this for a reason. I don't believe. That they're hating, and maybe there is some hate behind it, but I'll know how to decipher what's hate and what's going to help shape guide me, and they mean the best interest for me. And sometimes it's not even those that are older than you. I got a younger cousin who's highly successful in the industry, racking up awards, racking up accolades, racking up starting businesses, flipping pies. His path was not easy, but he knew his, so what's next? He leveraged the opportunities that was given to him at the right time. I learned from him. I don't care about age. I could learn from a 20-year-old and a 60-year-old. If you got things that's gonna shape and guide me, yes, I want that. I want all the information I could possibly get. Because in the era that I'm in and the timing that I'm in, I'm more susceptible to listen to what's being said at that moment. They're not criticizing, they're not hating. They're trying to help. Conversations land differently in different in different seasons. 20-year-old me would not have taken it so easily. 30-year-old me started listening. 40-year-old me, oh, I want all the information I could get. Because I don't know, I don't know a lick of nothing. I act like, guys, I I don't know. I'm that guy that's gonna, you're gonna say some shit, and I'm about, ooh, hold on, wait a second. What is that? I never I I don't know about that. And whether I'm gonna use it, not use it, I want to educate myself. You ain't gonna just throw some acronyms out there and be talking to me, and I'm just saying there like this. Nah, it don't work like that. Not in this era. Timing is important. I'm ready to listen, I'm ready to receive. That advice is gonna hit a whole lot better. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, it might be another another business that I start up. That's when it's gonna help me. That's when I'm gonna realize it. I have friends that are killing it in the game, in their industries. I'm learning from them. I hope that I'm doing enough where they could learn something from me as well because I'm grabbing from other people and then I'm bringing it back to my village. I'm bringing it back to my circle. Like, yo, did you know about this? Because learning something and figuring out something and and and and not sharing it, that's an injustice. They didn't hold that information from you, so why are you holding it from the next? We can't have that mentality, they're like, no, I gotta hold on to this for dear life for this current moment because um they might be on the same time frame that I'm in, and and they have better opportunities than I do. Hey, there's no such thing as better opportunities. Your opportunities is your opportunities. I'm me. They them. How I'm a deliverer, they not, they might not deliver. How they deliver, I might not deliver. It is, it is what it is. I'm not chasing after your vision. I'm not building your legacy, I'm building my legacy. Because the right words at the wrong time still feel wrong. Was there something I heard years ago that didn't make sense then? But makes perfect sense now? If I sit and think about it and be truly honest, yes. I'm pretty sure over the years, my brother Stefan. Years, years ago, in the clubs, we popping bottles. Not not him, me. Who am I showing off for? And he used to tell me all the time, yo, stop doing that. Why you gotta why you gotta do all that? We could just get the regular drinks, like popping a bottle for what? It's the same bottles that we could buy at the store. I didn't want to hear that at the time. I want to be the cool guy. That's what I see, that's how the cool guys move. That's a it was never wrong. It didn't make sense then, but it makes perfect fucking sense now. When when you stand there and you and you tally up in your mind how many times you was in the clubs, three to four times a week, you're buying bottle service each. That's about a thousand dollars if you're doing that almost, let's say every other weekend, that's 26 weeks. That's $26,000 you spent in the club in drinks. How long did it take for you to buy a house? That $26,000 was down payment. Now, now you you yeah, I own my house now, but imagine if I use that $26,000 that I was blown in the club on drinks, that half the time I'm not even drinking. I was not even a drinker like that. $26,000 I could have put on a I could have put on a down payments, let's say a condo, let's say a house. 10, 15, 20 years ago. What's the value of that house now? How many pieces of property could I, how how many times could I have leverage that one house to go purchase the next house? And not to mention I'm a veteran. So that means I got I got VA home loan. 100%. No doubt, no, no, no down payment. That $26,000, I still don't even have to get rid of it yet. Now I got backup. I could go leverage something else. Go get a l- go get a f go go get a flip, go get an Airbnb. It didn't make sense then. The words didn't feel right at the time, but now I get it. Now I get that some people, it's not, they're not hating, they're not trying to come for you. He had the best interests, just like the first sign did, just like my platoon sign did. They have my best interest in mind. They're trying to help shape, guide me along the way. They were wiser than me in that moment. And sometimes it's not just the timing, sometimes it's the conversations we don't have at all. Let's talk about that one. The conversations that we avoid. Because there's certain conversations we know we need to have, but we just not gonna have it. We we don't want to do it, right? That's what I was that's what I was doing. That same that same instance I was telling you with my brother, right? I don't want to hear what the hell you're talking about. I got a brand I'm trying to build. I'm trying to I'm trying to be that dude. I just came back home and you know I've been gone for about 10 years now. Now I gotta re- I gotta become that dude again. What? How's that aligning with what we're trying to do? That's right. We didn't even know what we were trying to do at the time. We never defined it. How we building something that we never defined what it actually was. You know why we don't want to have these conversations? Because it's just it's the discomfort. We like avoiding conflict, some of us, especially. I'm gonna tell you right now, I don't do well with conflict. Because I'm either gonna, it's one of two reasons. Well, I've outgrown this now, but back then, probably still now too, I'm gonna avoid a conflict always because there's two outcomes. I'm either shutting the fuck down or I'm blowing the fuck up. Now, this big old ass age of mine, I know that blowing the fuck up part, it ain't worth it. Shutting down, I might still do that. But before I shut down, I would like to believe that I could have a conversation. Why one for most of the time I'm asking myself, why am I shutting down? Why don't I want to have this conversation? Is it because I don't want to have the big feels? Am I delaying some type of truth? That silence isn't going to only create some distance, and then the distance might not be the distance that we need to have. We need to have those uncomfortable conversations. We can't avoid them. What's a conversation that you've been avoiding? That I know that I could actually move something forward in my life. I I could honestly say the last conversation that I was avoiding with myself is um I'm gonna leave it. It's one of those things where it's like you're having internal conversations with yourself on the woe with me type situations. Because you're watching others and you're not envious, but you're trying to figure out like why is it not working for me? And you're acting in a way where it's you're doing a pity party. You're not asking why it's not working for me so you could adjust and fix it. You're doing a pity party. Sometimes we get in our feels, feel your feels, but you got to come out of it and come out of it on the other side. See, that was the conversation that I was unwilling to have for the longest of time. And then realizing that that's not my path. That's that's not where I'm supposed to be in that moment. One thing I had to realize avoiding the conversation doesn't solve the problem, it just delays it. The problem's still gonna be there. You're just delaying it, the inevitable. And even when we do have the conversations, how we say it matters just as much. When these conversations are happening, how we say it matter just as much as well. That's the next segment. How how you say it matters? Let's talk about the delivery of certain things. Because it's not just what you say, it's how you say it. I I'm I'm a I'm a habitual offender of this one. I say things that come to my mind and I'm just boom. But not realizing that sometimes it's going to affect somebody negatively. Just because I could take on certain things, the way I send it back out, that person that's receiving it might not take it on the same way. And now, something that I feel as though somebody needed to hear in the moment, or or give them that nugget that I think could potentially change their life, but because the way I said it, it's not gonna impact the way it was supposed to impact. Or even if it's not that moment, but because of the way my delivery is all the time, you're tuning me out and you're not hearing the gem or the nugget that you need to hear. Tone affects reception. Intention doesn't really matter when you're impacting somebody else. I can have all the best intentions in the world, but if I don't know how to communicate properly and have some, I'm not saying that I'm being disrespectful, but it's a respect thing when it comes to communication. You have to understand and meet the person where they're at. It's a form of emotional control for you for you. You have to be able to control your emotions and realize, like, you know, this person that I'm delivering this to, maybe I needed to have this approach. This other approach might work for me, but it's not gonna work for them because this same message that I could give to this person and they're gonna take it this way, this person over here is gonna have a totally different outcome because of the way I just delivered it. But it's the same message. Listen, my message and the way I deliver things might not be for everybody, and the way you receive some things, it might not be for you. But I hope you're not blocking blessings and gems because the way the person delivered it. Listen to the word sometimes. The words matter a whole lot more. It might be an asshole that's delivering it, but that asshole needed to deliver that message in that moment so that it could change your life. Have I ever said the right thing but said it the wrong way? Fuck yeah. Fuck yes. I could blame it on the military all I want. I could blame it on being an asshole all I want. I could blame it on not knowing and yada yada, whatever. But at the same time, the person that's receiving it, however they decide to take it, is how they take it. Just like when somebody says something to me, the same message that could have been given to me 20 years ago, I'm not ready to take it in as opposed to 30, as opposed to when I'm 30 years old. The messaging didn't change. It's the timing that we were in. The message can be right, but the delivery can still be wrong. And sometimes the most powerful part of a conversation isn't even speaking. It isn't even speaking. You know why? Because then this segment is even more profound. And I've been saying it because 20-year-old me wasn't ready to receive the message that the first star told me, or my platoon star told me, or what Stefan told me, or anybody else that's in my circle that sees something in me that I have not let loose yet. It's the power of listening. Let's talk about listening for a second. Because not every conversation is about what you say, it's what's being said to you. You know, I'm not gonna sit here and try to tell you guys the power of listening and how to, you know, uh what's the thing where active listening and I'm I'm not yeah. I sometimes I listen to respond. And and that's that in itself sometimes can create problems. Because listening to responding, that that means you're just trying to be right in a in a conversation. You're not taking in that conversation. So now you're not ready to receive that that gem or that that that nugget that you needed that was gonna change your life because you're only listening to respond. So you're blocking out certain words, you're holding on to this key part that you oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you. Listen. Listen and wait to speak. Not not saying that listening to respond. Understanding and responding are two different things. When you're listening to understand, you're taking on and hearing everything that's being said to you. You're not crafting up a response. Because that's what when you're listening to respond, you're crafting up a response, a response. So that the moment they stop talking, you could jump right in there. But when you're listening to understand, you're taking it all in. Your mind is not being crowded by the response that you're trying to give this person. You're listening to understand the thing and you're taking it all in, and now you can dissect the entirety of what was just said to you. That changes the dynamic of the conversation. That changes the dynamic on how you're going to receive this thing and how it's going to affect your life. That's true emotional intelligence right there. Listening to understand rather than listening to respond. Am I really listening in conversations or just wanting to for my turn to talk? Owe me, yes. Sometimes me, still yes. Mm-hmm. I ain't perfect, y'all. I still listen to to respond. When we in an argument, yeah, I'm listening to respond. I ain't got nothing. I try. I'm trying my best, y'all. I'm human. This is why we're on this journey together. But I am putting in good practice that I'm listening to understand because I don't want to miss out. I don't want to call it FOMO. Call it FOMO while I'm on this legacy journey. I don't want to miss out on this thing that this person could empower and put into me that's going to change the direction of something that's not only gonna benefit me, it's gonna benefit Tiffany, it's gonna benefit Kaden, it's gonna benefit my friends, my family, anybody that's within my circle, because once I know, you're going to know. I can't I can't hold on to some of these information. Sometimes I do hold on. I delay my sharing sometimes. And it's not intentional sometimes, right? Sometimes we gotta delay it to see it in effect. We gotta see it actually working. We got to see it that you know, I don't want to bring a bunch of bad information to my people because now that's the credit, my credibility is on the line. So delayed sharing is one thing. Gatekeeping is something totally different. That means you just close the door on them. You don't want them to know nothing. You're just holding on to yourself and you just running run with it. Anyways, listening in one of the most under listening is one of the most underrated forms of leadership. That's one one thing that I learned in the military that you have to be willing to listen. Hell, I today, today alone, I had to call meetings and have one-on-ones with my staff because what my eyes was telling me that I'm seeing that was going wrong and I'm not liking it, and I'm I'm big mad, and everybody needs to have one-on-ones because I'm gonna tell you about yourself, and you guys are on the brink of all being fired. Then I sat down with them and I listened. I opened up before I speak, I talked to, I opened up the floor to you. Tell me, tell me how you're feeling, what's on what's on your mind, what's been going on, blah, blah. I'm opened up the door. I'm I'm sitting and I'm sitting and I'm listening to understand. And I learned a lot. Right now I'm not thinking about firing nobody because it made sense. I sat there and I listened. That point, this point, that point. Oh, let me explain what this was. Oh, let me explain. And then I had to realize, like, oh my God, I have set them up wrong as a leader. As a leader, I did not help them with proper communication. I did not help them with proper delegation. And I'm piling on everything on my number two and assuming that things are going to be, and then when it's not getting done, I'm but I'm coming down like with the wrath of God on this person and not realizing that I did not set up the team properly. I didn't communicate properly. I didn't delegate properly. And I was assuming the fuck out of a lot of shit that I should not have been assuming. So all the shit that I see going wrong, it started with me. But I would not have known that if I didn't sit down to understand rather than sitting down listening to respond. If I was sitting down listening to respond, then this half my half my staff, you're on two weeks' notice. But now I'm like, okay, I have to change this, this, and this to now make sure that the team is operating in a way that I want it to operate in, right? Now, if they're still falling short, it ain't me now. But I have to give them that runway. I have to mentor, develop, and lead the right way. I have to sit and listen with understanding, not to respond. And that just changed the trajectory of at least two people's two people's lives. It changed the trajectory of my life, right? Because I don't like being in the weeds of things. I'm that type of leader. Here's the overarching thing. You guys go and make sure it's done by the deadline. I'm not in the weeds, I don't need to know every little detail, just make sure it gets done. Right? I had to learn that, oh, that's my military leadership. I need to fall back because of this. I need to fall back on this and make sure that I'm mentoring properly, make sure I'm developing properly. That's what that's what leadership is. And even when you do all the right things, not every conversation is gonna go the way you expect. Hell, this time it was for the better. The conversations didn't go how I expect. I was ready to go in there and I'm putting everybody on two weeks' notice, and you better get it right, or I'm letting your ass go. Now my perspective changed. It didn't go the way I was expecting. I grew in that conversation. Now I'm going to be better. Because I'm about to grow off of those conversations that I just had today alone. And it made me realize where else am I falling short in my conversations as a leader? I run multiple, I have multiple businesses. Am I failing and falling short in real estate because of my communication and delegation time management? Am I falling short in the trucking business because I'm not communicating partly with my partners and my drivers? This is what happens when you sit and you listen to understand and the power of listening. I heard that over here. Now it's going to change things over here, here, and there, hopefully for the better. Or maybe it just needs to stay the same. Maybe I was doing it right over here and I just wasn't doing it right over there. Who knows? But now that I heard it, I could sit and evaluate it all. But what happens when the conversations go wrong? Let's be real for a second. Not every conversation is gonna go the way that we want it. That's what this segment's about. What happens then? Because what was leading into the conversations that I was having, using work as an example today, I I it was a bunch of misunderstandings. That conversation was the conversation that started yesterday that led to these and And when I say it started yesterday, I went on a full-on rant and everybody was on notice. Then I sat down with myself. I was like, you know what? Let me do some one-on-ones. Actually, let me not act like I was my whole brat idea. I went to my director and I was like, yo, I want to fire this person. What's the next steps I gotta take? And he was like, Well, did you do this? Did you do that? Well, technically, I would like for you to do those things first before we go down that route. Let's have a conversation. I was like, fine. But then I sat down after that conversation with him, and I started realizing, like, damn, I wasn't doing my due diligence as a leader. Because why haven't I had these conversations with these people? Do I even know why these things are happening? And clearly I did not know. That was a whole bunch of misunderstandings built with a bunch of emotional reactions and big feels, and now I'm just going and assuming this was happening this way, but it wasn't happening that way. Miscommunication all up and down the place, demanding certain things that would, and then not following up with it. That's me. I did that part. And it made the whole conversation go the wrong way to the point where I was threatening people's jobs, their careers, their livelihoods. No, they're college kids, but still, this is the beginning of that stuff. These kind of things are going to shape how they now move in the real world later on. This is why I don't look at them as student workers like that. I'm looking at like I'm preparing you for when you go to that real world job or when you start your own business, how this thing is going to work. But I learned from those breakdowns. I learned right then and there last night, okay, I'm gonna set up these meetings. I had one-on-ones on the book for everybody today. We did all one-on-ones, and then in the overarching theme, I walked away from that is I need to do better for them. I'm big mad, but not you, not you, not you. Now we all have our flaws, but the overarching thing that I'm seeing and I'm hearing, I need to do some internal looking to change some things. Was there conversations that didn't go well? Sure. That's life, life in life in itself. There's conversations that's not gonna go well, but it still taught me something. And this was the the brightest example. I'm glad I'm recording this today, and and and this happened today. So I could give you the example of how it is to the power of listening, the power of listening as a leader. The first conversations went completely wrong. It was one-sided. I'm in my fields and this is what's going on, and and I'm only listening to just just respond. But taking the moment, taking the time, and listening to somebody else, give me direction and not take it in the wrong way. And now, okay, maybe there's something I need to look at myself. And I did that and I did the work, and now when I sit on my one-on-ones, I'm more ready to listen because the conversations were gonna be different. I was going in, had my notes ready for everybody. But then I was like, you know what? I'm not gonna go off this. You tell me what's going on, how you're feeling, based off of like this is the situation that's going on. And we had conversations, and I learned a lot. And not only did I learn a lot about the staff, I learned a lot about myself. Miscommunication doesn't always mean bad intent. A lot of a lot of the times those conversations are influenced by something even bigger. Something led to that point. Let's talk about the rooms that we're in, the environments that we're in. Because the conversations sh around you shape the life that you're trying to build at the same time. Environment matters. Who you're around. Because sometimes certain situations, you can't you can't control who's going to be in your sphere, right? We go and work at the nine of fives, or or we we gotta get into certain partnerships and business as an entrepreneur and all that other stuff. Well, that part you can't control um to a certain extent. But what I'm saying is sometimes you can't control who you're around. And those daily conversations are going to shape what you what you're thinking, how you're feeling, how you're gonna react to certain things. And that that influences your circle right after that. It's like what's happening here at work or in business, it's influencing how I'm thinking, how I'm feeling, and my emotions and all that. Now I'm taking it back to the house. Now I'm taking it to my friends, how I'm feeling, how I'm doing it, and it's shaping their thoughts. And it's just a vicious cycle that just keeps going. The exposure of certain ideas. We live in a world in a world in a society where like social media could change our mind frames on certain things. Who we like, who we don't like, why we don't like them. Half the time we don't even know why we don't like them. It's just we're afraid that these people don't like them, so I gotta not like them. Weird, but whatever. But that's the environment that we're in. These types of stuff do actually matter. Because while you're out here trying to build certain things, these conversations that's that's being talked about, that's being done around you, are shaping and building the technically the life that you're trying to build. Environment matters when we're having these conversations. Some rooms that we're in, we're we're in it for right, wrong, right, wrong, or indifferent. There's times that I'm in certain rooms, I have imposter syndrome, but I'm not gonna let imposter syndrome win because I gotta get, I don't know when I'm gonna be back in this room. So I gotta go have these conversations. I gotta go pick the brain of these people in here that's doing the things that I want to be doing or or have done certain things that I uh that align with what I say that I want to do or building the legacy that I want to be building. You see how like things have different perspectives on stuff? Some rooms that we're in is shaping us for the negativity if we allow it. And some things, if we if we don't seize the opportunities, we could miss out on a lot of things. The conversations around you should be shaping the life that you want to build. Not all the time you're gonna be around those conversations that you want to hear, and you have to realize that, okay, it's going in one and it just needs to leave. I'm not gonna hold on to that one because it's not helping and it's not aligning. I can't change the environment right now because of the journey that I'm on. But what I can change is who I'm listening to and how I'm allowing them to affect my life. I'm not gonna stay and keep being comfortable. I might have to speak a time or two. I can't let comfort win. I can't let feelings win. I can't let imposter syndrome simp in because sometimes that room that I'm in, I can't, I can't worry about imposter syndrome right then and there. And some of the most important conversations we have come from people who've already been where we're trying to go. That's what I'm talking about. In the rooms that we're in, like that that person has done it, or they're doing it. Something that you emulating to do, or something that is aligned with what you're trying to do, that could be a stepping stone for you. We don't figure these things out on our own. We've talked about this before. You could be self-made but still have an army of people around you. Self-made doesn't mean that you have to do it by yourself. You could have a team. And the first person that's usually on your team is somebody that's on your that's a mentor. These are the conversations that that matter with with in terms of mentorship. I'd like to believe that when I'm in spaces, there's a few people that I just naturally gravitate to that I want to either directly or indirectly be mentoring, whether it be with the things that I'm teaching them, the way that I'm allowing them autonomy to do certain things and develop and grow their own stuff. But that's that is so crucial and important. Mentorship and guidance. And I had a couple team leaders along the way also that saw something in me that I did not see in me. And they kept pouring into me. Whether it be one-liners, whether it be not allowing me to give up, whether it be stuffing my nose in a book and telling me, and then other times just things that had nothing to do with the job, but they were making sure that it was straight. Understanding that there will be life after the military. How we set up for that. Everybody got a story. What makes your soul stand special? So what that you were each just pinnacle, what's next? I've had people have conversations with me that gave me perspective I didn't have before. And again, I've told you, it they could be younger than me, they could be older than me. Age don't have wisdom. Yes, those that are older than us, they've been through more things to us, but that don't that don't mean the just because you went through more things, it's not aligned with what I'm trying to do with my life. So that doesn't mean that you could bestow all this type of wisdom on me, but there's this 27-year-old that's doing the things that I want to be doing at 41. Does that mean I don't listen to this 27 because they haven't been through life? But they're aligned with what I'm trying to do. Is my perspective going to change having this conversation with this person? Is this person going to tell me something that's going to change the trajectory of what I'm trying to do and put me on a pathway for better? Is this person's words going to stop me from a pitfall that was going to be set up for me along the way? But now, because I heard them, I listened to them, and I took their mentorship and their guidance, even though they wasn't my mentor, even though they're not my guidance, my liaison or anything like that, but the nugget that they just dropped on me, they're technically a mentor at this point to me. That's how I look at it. If you're giving me things and tools that I could utilize later on in life, and it could be in that one conversation and I never talk to you again, did they not help shape guide you? Wisdom comes from someone else's experience. It doesn't matter about age. And then there are the conversations that hit even closer to home. Let's talk about the conversations that we have with our kids. The conversations that we have with our kids just hit different. First of all, our kids are probably assholes. If they're a product of us, they're probably fucking assholes. And another thing that they're raised different from us, we allow them to speak their feelings and tell their truths and all that other stuff. Their tone, I can tell you right now, every day, we talk about this. We can't wait to see how Kaden is when he becomes a teenager. Because right now he says whatever comes to his mind. And his intentions are not to hurt your feelings, but let me tell you, that boy's tongue cuts deep. But that doesn't mean we now in turn have to turn around and we have to watch our tone when we're speaking. Because they're learning from us, right? Everyday conversations are shaping their identities, just like everyday conversations are shaping our legacies and how we're building them. Encouragement versus criticism. We have to be able to walk that fine line just like we are ready to receive certain criticism, and not all criticism is negative. But the conversations that we're having with our children, when we're being present with them, that matters. Something that I'm consistently saying to Caden, I know it's shaping. Simple as simple as that. You know how smart you are? Yo, legit, bro. Like the stuff that you're doing right now, you're way smarter than where your dad is. Your dad ain't no dummy. I'm just letting you know, like, when I was that age, it was a little bit different for me. I learned different. You you learn different. Those conversations matter just as much. Because the the reason uh I'm able to now, it took me going into the military and having two lines change and shape my lives. Imagine how I'm changing and shaping Kaden's life right now with the words that I'm speaking into him. Because the words that I'm speaking into him echo way longer than I'll realize. Because he hears it day in and day out. He don't need the one-liners right now. And there's gonna be people out later on in life that's gonna give him some one-liners that he's gonna be ready to receive because it's not their dad, it's not their mom, it's not the uncles and the stuff that's been around him all the time. He's ready to receive those conversations because he understands the power of listening. He understands the power of um listening to understand, not listening to respond. He understands how to be listened to as as in good leadership, how to not have his tongue be so sharp. Still speaking our minds, but not as harsh as it's coming off when you're 78 years old. At 13, 14, you should have enough emotional intelligence to know how to properly speak so that others are willing to receive what you're saying. But the most important conversation you'll ever have, guys, is the conversation that you have with yourself. There's no denying that. You it's the one call, the one the conversation that you're gonna have that I mean, you can you can talk back if you want to, but it's that that internal dialogue, when you're sitting in that space and you're talking and you're you're defining, you're building, you're you're you're going back into the journals and you're reflecting, like, okay, where did I fall a little bit short? Where where can I grow? And and and even yet, when I was having these conversations today with my staff, another thing that disarmed me to want to listen to them more is when they sat down on that couch and they started taking self-accountability, not pointing the finger at somebody else and and you never did it. No, hey, Kevin, I'm I'm gonna take accountability. I did X, Y, and Z. I need to do better at that. Before even telling me everything that went wrong because of this person, that person, and you didn't do this. Self-accountability. That means they're having those conversations with themselves internally and wanting to grow. That disarmed me in that moment to now change the direction of this conversation. My mindset changed. That's why we have to have these internal conversations with ourselves sometimes so we could know what it is that we're trying to define, build, live, and and receive, not receive, is based off of these conversations we have with ourselves. Whether we're putting it on paper, via pen, in our phones, via text to ourselves, or in the notes and whatever gizmos that we're using, those conversations with ourselves are the most powerful conversations we'll ever have because we know us. If you're true to yourself, you're gonna have that meaningful conversation with yourself and try to figure out how you're gonna get out of this. How you're gonna be, where what is your so what what's next moment? Have that conversation with yourself. What is it that you're achieving? What is it that you're striving for? And when you do achieve it, is that it? Or do we have bigger goals and aspirations? The most important voice you're ever hear is the voice you hear every day. And that's the voice of yours. That's your voice. And when you really sit with that, it starts to make you think different about everyday conversations in your life. Not just the ones you've had, but the ones you're having right now. Right now, in sitting here listening, if you're still here with me right now, you're now asking yourself certain questions. You're having some inner turmoil with yourself and and developing and and changing your perspective on things. So let's slow it down for a second so I can flip it back on you and we could have this conversation together. Not just hear it, but actually think about it. Here's a couple questions for you. Let's let's let's let's let's do this. What's a conversation in your life that you know you need to have right now? Like you know you need to have that conversation. Not the easy one, not the comfortable one, but the one you've been thinking about but haven't actually acted on. Because sometimes we already know what needs to be said. We just don't always have the courage to say it. And that's it that doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. The question, the question is, how long are you willing to let that conversation sit before you have it with yourself? Next question I'm gonna ask you is what what's the conversations you've been avoiding? Maybe it's with somebody else, or maybe it's with yourself if we're still staying with the self, the self, um, the self-conversations that we need to be having. Maybe it's something you've been putting off, like we've all been doing, I've been doing. Because you don't know how it's going to go, right? Or maybe you already know how it's going to go, and that's what's making it harder for you to have the conversation. But avoiding it is not protecting you, not by any means. It's just delaying what needs to happen right now. What do you need to listen to more? Not to respond, not to defend, not to prove a point, but to actually understand. Because sometimes we walk into conversations already decided, already thinking that we know I did that today. And in doing that, we miss what the other person is truly trying to say in that moment. Another question you gotta ask yourself, what are you trying to say to yourself every day? Because the conversation has never stopped. Just because you had that one conversation now doesn't mean that it stopped. It's there when things are not going right. It's there when things when the things are are all right at the same time also. It's there when nobody else is around that part. When nobody else is around, that question is still going to be there. How are you speaking to yourself? Are you are you being Debbie Downer, coming down on yourself, not giving yourself a little grace? Are you ready to quit every other time? Are you ready to start over? Are you waiting till Monday to start again? Are these the conversations you're having with yourself? Because those are the conversations that's gonna shape how you move through everything else. Last question What are you leaving with people? Every day you're having conversations, but what are you leaving in those conversations? Because every interaction leaves something behind, whether it be feelings, whether it be a thought, a shift in perspective, and whether you realize it or not, people carry it with them. Like I said, I've been out of the military for 11 years, I served 10. In the early years of my military career, two things were said to me, and I'm still allowing it to shape my life. Still to this day. And it is probably always going to. So ask yourself sometimes when somebody walks away from you from that conversation, what are they taking with them? The conversations that you're having today shape the life, the life that you plan on living tomorrow. And sometimes the smallest conversations leave the biggest impact. And the truth is, we don't remember every conversation we've ever had. But remember, but we do remember the ones that made us feel something. For sure, for sure. The ones that challenged us, the ones that encouraged us, the ones that changed something. Inside of us. And more importantly, people remember the conversation they had with you. Because at the end of the day, we don't always remember every conversation. But we remember the ones that made us feel something. Right, wrong, or indifferent. It made us stop and it made us really think. The ones that stayed a whole lot longer than they should have. And if we're really being honest with ourselves, some of the most important conversations we'll ever have don't even happen out loud. They don't. They happen in quiet moments when everything slows down. When there's no noise, when there's no distraction, when it's just you and your thoughts. And you finally give yourself the space to really process what's going on in your life, right? That's when you that's when you get a chance to actually sit down with it. You sort it, you write it down, you make sense of it all, you think it out loud, you feel it out loud. You take the chance of you being carried and put it into order. That's why I talk about this journal stuff all the time. You carry it, then you put it down and you put it in an order of precedence. Because a lot of times, if it's not that we just don't know what to say, it's that we haven't taken the time to really understand what we're thinking. You know what to say. You just ain't decluttered your thoughts. And when your thoughts are unclear, your words are really unclear too, to be completely honest. But when you take the time to slow down, to think, to process, your words become more intentional. And intentional words create meaningful conversations. Meaningful conversations create lasting impacts. And that's how legacy moves. Not just through what you build with your hands, but through what you say, how you say it, and what you leave people with. After every conversation is over, what did you leave people with? Be intentional with your words. Because you never know which conversation will become part of somebody else's legacy. Not necessarily yours. It might not shape yours, it might not change yours. But take your time. Don't rush your thoughts, don't rush your words, and don't rush the moments that deserve your attention for sure. Because sometimes the right words at the right time can stay with someone for the rest of their lives and can change their children's lives. This episode gave you something to think about. Subscribe to Dear Legacy, drop a comment, follow us on social media, and share with somebody who's building their legacy in real time. Till then, go to find it, go build it, go live it. Peace.